so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
