Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
