she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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