You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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