I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
