It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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