Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize