i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
