Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
