you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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