forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
