I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
