I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
