could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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