So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize