I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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