I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
