seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
