My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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