every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
