I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
