dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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