Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Your penis caused this!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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