i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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