and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
