I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
