when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
