Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize