i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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