this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
