Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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