why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
