Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
