Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
