Cold hands, warm shart.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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