and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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