Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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