So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
