you guys were way drunker than both of me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
