I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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