I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
