I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
