I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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