how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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