I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
