Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
