Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
