theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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