We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
