____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize