What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
