dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize