Heybabeimwearingurpanties
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
