So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize