I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize