sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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