it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
