theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
