i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
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