dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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