and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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