Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
