That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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