dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You dont lie about slip and slides
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
