I heard we made out
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize