never play flip cup with pint glasses
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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