I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
