he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
