I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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