Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
